


lost in heart and mind

by 88falling (hyoseumi)



Category: PRETTYMUCH (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21650758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyoseumi/pseuds/88falling
Summary: Zion can't hide his feelings anymore.
Relationships: Brandon Arreaga/Zion Kuwonu
Kudos: 10





	lost in heart and mind

“I’m terrified.”

“Why tho? We’ve been friends for a while now, we are bros. Nothing bad’s gonna happen.”

Austin was right. After all, he was his best friend, he knew he could trust him. But many insecurities came to him when the issue was about Brandon. The same Brandon he saw every single morning when waking up, the same Brandon he danced and singed with. The same Brandon he had saw many times but still didn’t know how to behave when they were alone.

“You promised you would sing with him when the song came out, and it’s been a week now. Don’t be such a douchebag, Zion,” Austin laughed. He was just 22 but he was already more mature than he was. “You just have to do it, yo.”

Thing was, despite everything fans said about him, he was still a mess. He didn’t know when he started feeling something somehow. But he couldn’t stop thinking about Brandon. Every single minute of the fucking day, he would think about him. In his pretty smile, his skin shining with the morning sun, his delicate yet masculine fingers playing the piano with such grace he could melt at the thought of him touching him.

Of course he was scared. He never felt that, or at least, nor that he can remember.

* * *

_“I've been tryna call. I've been on my own for long enough.  
Maybe you can show me how to love, maybe…”_

Her eyes met at the tenth time trying to sing that part. Zion was about to break his lower lip from biting it so much. His heart was going too fast too furious, like that stupid movie. He didn’t know what he wanted right now but he wanted something, that urge in his chest was already painful.

“It’s just the beginning of the song, for fuck’s sake. What’s happening to my voice today?” Brandon was frustrated to an indescribable level at this point. He chugged.

“Nothing, your voice is just perfect. The song is pretty hard to sing.” 

“Then you sing it yourself.” He crossed his arms, lifting one of his brows, looking as playful as he was.

Zion was definitely in love, so he was willing to try.

He grabbed his guitar, adjusted the strings and cleared his throat. He looked at Brandon like there was fire in his glance. Like he was about to burst out.

_“I said, ooh, I’m blinded by the lights. No, I can’t sleep until I feel your touch._

_I said, ooh, I'm drowning in the night. Oh, when I'm like this, you're the one I trust.”_

Music put thoughts into words and make art of it. When you couldn’t think clearly, music was there to heal your wounds. Sometimes it felt like a mother, others it felt like a devilish brother.

“Your tone fits amazingly,” Brandon was whispering. He warmed his hands with the sweater sleeves, his mind in another place and his eyes nowhere to be found. “Let’s try it together, please?”

“No need to be so polite,” Zion pat his knee, being that a friendly touch, so no need to be nervous. “I love your voice.”

Shit, let just them ignore that.

_“I'm just calling back to let you know (Back to let you know)  
I could never say it on the phone (Say it on the phone)  
Will never let you go this time (Ooh)”ç_

They both sang together, looking at each other, both wishing the camera was out of batteries at that moment. That was literally the best part of the song, a song that wasn’t made for them but it seemed to.

* * *

“It was like push and pull.”

“I understand it now,” Zion could see Austin eating popcorn right now inside his head, but he wasn’t. He was listening. “Two idiots in love, too scared to take the first step. A classic from love comedy movies.”

“I don’t know if he… you know, feels something for me?”

“But you do, you feel something. And you should be proud of what you’re feeling.”

“Even if it makes me hurt?”

“Even if.”

* * *

That night, Zion fell asleep on the sofa of the bus living room. More than being tired because of the tour, he was surely tired of his intrusive thoughts. They played games till it was almost 5AM and then everyone went to their respective beds.

Half an hour later, he was dreaming with the thing he dreamt every single night. He was panting hard, his hands cracking in the middle of the night while he was running and tripping inside the dream.

Brandon knew. He knew the noises Zion made in the silent night. He tiptoed to the living room and saw him there, thinking he must be cold.

“You’re like a baby sometimes,” he kneeled in front of the sofa. Extended arm, soft fingers touching Zion’s forehead covered by his half blonde half brunette dreadlocks. “A cute, little baby I wish I could kiss and not being worried about it…”

His breath became heavy. He could be a thief right now, he could leave right now, he could put a blank over his body and observe him sleeping. He could kiss him and no one would know ever. The possibilities were infinite and problematic.

“Your padlock…” He tried to open his eyes, glued by some tears his nightmare had provoked. “I wish I had the key…”

Zion touched the chain of his collar, then went for the gold padlock that was hanging of his neck. He caressed the skin from the nape to the clavicles, not knowing if he was still dreaming. “I’ve been waiting… Don’t know if I should keep…”

Brandon, he wasn’t understanding. Or maybe, he didn’t want to understand because it was hard to. It was hard to fight for someone or something when you didn’t even know what was going inside your head.

“Sleep tight, cherry coke.”

* * *

“You need me,” Brandon came for him while he was trying to adjust the knot of his tie. “Who taught you about ties? Your neighbour? Come here, let me do this for you.”

They had a premiere that night and wearing a tuxedo was a must. Sometimes Zion felt like that kind of luxury world wasn’t for him. But the food was good, and he could dance and be goofy the whole night if he wanted to. He was wearing a tuxedo in an important party, he could do whatever he wanted to.

Zion’s eyes ran over Brandon’s arms and hands. He didn’t know he was obsessed with that part of his body till now. He realized how ethereal he looked right now.

_“Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful aaangeeel…”_ Zion started singing, smiling.

_“Love your imperfections every aaaangle,”_ And so Brandon singed with him.

When he finished, he let his hand rest over Zion’s chest some seconds after pushing him away. He looked from his feet to the last hair on his head and nodded.

“Good job if you ask me, you look flamboyant, thumbs up.”

* * *

“What are you gonna do in your free day?” Austin asked, sipping on his banana strawberry smoothie.

“Play fortnite I guess?”

“You should definitely go out. Take a walk, think about your stuff, clear your mind. Self-care, buddy.”

“I’m gonna ask Brandon.”

“You sure?” Austin was surprised actually. No matter how many times he said to Zion to have time alone with their friend, he always preferred to waste his time instead of doing what he was told.

He stood up and grabbed Austin’ smoothie, almost finishing it and leaving his friend there.

“Hey, Brandie, wanna go out?” He knocked on the door, peeking out to see Brandon folding clothes.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s go to the river, grab some Cheetos and something to drink, whatever you want to.”

“Cool, take a jacket with you. It’s fucking freezing outside.”

* * *

The river in winter was one of the most beautiful places you can go to in the world. Luckily, it wasn’t raining or snowing that day and the night was cold enough but not that much. Somehow it felt like it was some sort of trip with the Boys Scouts group in which you can sing, tell horror stories and eat roasted marshmallows.

“Let’s sit here,” Brandon said, the tip of his nose becoming red with the weather.

Zion just did what he said, flexing his knees just to be comfortable. He adjusted his beanie, putting one of his dreadlocks behind his ear so he could see the landscape.

“Sometimes I come here, all alone,” Brandon was playing with the wet dust. “Or bring a book with me. Sometimes I just come here to scream, to cry or to laugh. It’s a nice place when you don’t know who you are.”

Zion was listening and, somehow, he understood what Brandon was saying. He felt the same way.

“Sometimes I feel so lost in my thoughts I can’t comprehend what’s happening around me. I don’t notice or I pretend not to because it’s troublesome. I don’t know how to deal with many things in my life. It’s like a rock on the road, a giant rock, you know? It’s so heavy so I encircle it and keep walking. But it becomes bigger and bigger.”

“I know.”

Brandon, he grabbed his hand. And squeezed it so hard his knuckles went pink. Zion looked at him, his eyelashes were long, his lips plump. And wished he could kiss him, again and again.

“I don’t know who I am either. I keep trying,” he paused. “And I keep feeling things that maybe wasn’t made for me. But I find joy in them. I cherish them and try to understand that pain is something that humans feel. I keep trying, I have to do it alone so no one can be sad at the end.”

“But you are.”

“And so you,” Zion half-smiled, he didn’t know what to do.

“I’m not. I’m here with you,” he was so embarrassing, Zion thought. So when Brandon rested his head on shoulder, he felt like dying. “And you need me.”

“And you need me too.”

It seemed like the stars and the entire universe had aligned in that moment. Because when Brandon kissed him, the world fell apart. The mountains started trembling, like an earthquake. The river was mad; the wind was blowing. Or maybe not, but it felt like it was.

Their lips met like it was mean to be. No sin, no guilt, no worry. They belonged together, in that space and time. They converged, like when a candle mixes with fire and becomes nothing but wax.

When they opened his eyes, they were still here. Hands tied together, hearts enlighten up by a magic force.

“Don’t run away from me,” Zion said, needy of that poisoned love. “Look at me, only look at me.”

“I won’t go anywhere. I’m here, with you.”

* * *

“There, there.”

“Do you like when I touch you here?”

Brandon nodded, drowning deeply in ecstasy. Zion was constantly running his fingers all over his chest, kissing his lips, his cheeks and every part of his skin he found in the way. Nevertheless, Brandon was starting to getting impatient.

“I wanna touch you too, come on,” he almost begged. People often became so desperate when it was about love… It was like a never-ending change of personality.

“Oh fuck,” Zion whimpered when those godly hands pinched his nipples with such strength. Not pretending to hurt him but pleasing him instead.

“You smell so good, Zi-zi,” Brandon bit his lip, confident in his own skin. He licked his sugar skin, sucked on that sensible and soft part of his neck and the other moaned so loud everyone could hear them.

“I’m gonna tell your mom you’re harassing me, Brandon,” Zion joked, pushing him against the bed, like in a fight. He took a seat in his thighs, caressed them dearly before going down and down and down. Pants nowhere to be seen, Zion smelled between his thighs. He worshipped his body.

“Closer, shit, I want you closer.”

“Tell me… How am I gonna get over you?” His tongue went over one of his groins, gently and slowly licking it, teasing a bit more, just a bit more.

“You can’t, I’m irresistible.”

Brandon rolled over the bed and pushed him so he could seat over him. He hugged Zion, playing games with his mind, making him feel even more dizzy.

“Tell me how much you want me.”

“I want you, I want you so much. I want you, Brandon, please.”

“You can’t take me,” he smiled, sarcastically in a way. After that, he grabbed Zion by the hair so he could lick and tease one of his ears. Sensitive as much as he was, the latter grabbed his ass over the fabric of the jeans and squeeze it hard.

“I love you.”

“I…”

“Don’t say it back,” Zion smiled, sniffing the aroma of his hair. “I don’t need to hear it right now.”

“You left me no choice then.”

**Author's Note:**

> eeee i'm so happy the weeknd released a new song even if he's kinda an asshole but!! it inspired me :) even though i don't know too much about prettymuch i fell in love with zion and brandon and i couldn't help it!! i don't know if that much people is gonna read this, it's messy as hell because it's been a while since i wrote... i'm going thru a hard time, everything i do seems the same so i would appreciate feedback if you like it! thanks!


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